I had an enlightening conversation with one of my clients recently. When we began coaching, she shared that she did not get along well with her boss. My client never felt supported by her, and felt that she thought my client was doing a poor job. It had become so bad that my client began to question her own abilities. Weeks later, I checked back in with her on how she was now feeling about their relationship. She shared with me that she doesn’t worry much about her boss anymore since, after all, they only speak once a week over the phone and her boss works from a city 100 miles away. I was shocked! The way she had previously been talking, I imagined the boss was constantly popping into my client’s office, looking over her shoulder and micromanaging. In reality, she never saw her in person, and only spoke to her about an hour per week by phone. My client allowed her boss to have an enormous amount of power over how she felt about her job, and therefore spoke about her as a constant presence.

What helped my client see things differently was taking back responsibility for her own happiness. When you need a person or a situation to change in order to be happy, it’s a sign that you’ve given away your power. To take it back, ask yourself what you can do to improve your experience. It might mean having a conversation with someone or setting a boundary. It could mean minimizing time spent with people and on tasks that drain your energy. In my client’s case, it required nothing more than a change of perspective.

When she began to look for what was right about her relationship with her boss, she saw how limited their interaction actually was. In fact, she barely had a boss! She could see how lots of people would love to have that much autonomy. The next time you find yourself wanting something to be different, ask yourself, “What is right about this situation?” You might not need it to change after all.

To your success!

Allison

 

Filed under: Career Happiness